By Curtis Bethel
Student Blogger

Note: The following post was written by a freshman at the University of Kentucky with help from our staff as part of a service learning project.

Everyone knows about high-profile intimate partner violence, like when Chris Brown hit Rihanna or the recent Ray Rice video showing the football player striking his fiancé, but the stories of most survivors never get told.  Intimate partner abuse doesn’t just happen in celebrity lives. It happens in every neighborhood, many families, and most schools. Even though you’re not famous, your voice can make a difference.

Imagine a scene…

A family puts on a facade. You may have spotted them out in the crowd of people at the fair, or sitting in the front row at your church. You recognize the family as the perfect family with no problems, almost too perfect at times. Little did you know, they head home each day to violence. They fear for their well-being and are afraid to tell anyone. As a result, they live their days in the shadow of violence.

Now imagine a new world for this family. Imagine a world where victims, survivors, and bystanders believe their voice matters and will be heard. Imagine a world where we all…

• Change our profile pics on social media during Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
• Have a safe plan of action if we see or hear intimate partner abuse happening.
• Speak out when someone is using abusive or controlling language.
• Reach out to someone who might be experiencing intimate partner abuse.
• Make connections between animal and human abuse.
• S​peak the names of lives lost to intimate partner homicide.
• Volunteer our time and talents to help organizations helping survivors.
• Read a book, listen to a song, or watch a movie that addresses the topic.
• Follow other organizations working doing good for survivors.
• Talk to young adults about healthy relationships and dating violence.
• Plan a donation drive for survivors and their children living in emergency shelter during the holidays.
• Tell elected officials that we support protections for survivors, and so should they.
• Honestly ask ourselves if our behavior is violence-free.
• Write a letter to or local newspaper describing the problem of domestic violence.
• Adopt the cause at our workplace, and ask our company to address domestic violence in the workplace.

Your voice DOES matter.  You can make a difference. ​Your ideas, words, and actions help end intimate partner abuse.

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

The effects of intimate partner abuse often extend to the workplace. Consider real stories from the Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM) website:

• Shirley was shot 13 times by her ex-husband on the way to work
• Delia and her co-worker were shot to death by Delia’s estranged husband.
• John had just arrived at work when a woman he had been dating shot him multiple times.

Yet the Family Violence Prevention Funds estimates that over 70% of U.S. workplaces have no formal program or policy that addresses workplace violence. Information prepared by the National Council Against Domestic Violence reports only 4% of all workplaces train employees on domestic violence and its impact on the workplace.

We can all be advocates at the workplace to help end intimate partner abuse.

Asking your HR staff if the company has a policy to address domestic violence in the workplace is a good place to start. Urge your employer to establish employee assistance programs for survivors of intimate partner abuse. When choosing topics for professional development, consider professional training events that build awareness and understanding about intimate partner violence.

If you supervise a team in your role at the workplace, SHRM suggests you should look for a pattern of these behaviors to identify staff who may be struggling to escape abuse:

• Unexplained absenteeism or tardiness
• Requests for time off to attend court appearances
• Unusual number of e-mails, texts, phone calls, etc. from a current or former partner
• Abrupt change of address

Another way to make a real difference is to suggest your company adopt the cause. We always welcome and appreciate the help of workplace volunteer groups. In the warmer weather, your team can help out on the farm and around the property. We have a very long farm fence just waiting for the perfect workplace volunteer group to paint! In the winter months, your workplace team could commit to coordinating collections of groceries at a local Kroger store during the annual Shop & Share event or assisting with winterization projects at our shelter facility.

We welcome talking with you more about work group volunteer projects. Reach out to us on social media or send us a note. We can brainstorm ideas to find the perfect project fit for your team.

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

Intimate partner violence happens in every community and neighborhood, but sometimes we don’t hear about the issue in the news until someone is harmed. On the other hand, the issue of intimate abuse is a popular topic in television and film. Unfortunately, many of these stories perpetuate myths by mythologizing, minimizing, and misnaming the abuse

Writing a letter to the editor of your local paper is an effective way to create awareness during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The Kentuckians for the Commonwealth website includes this useful resource to help you write a letter. They’ve compiled a list of newspaper contacts from across the state, including colleges and university papers, and offer these tips for an effective letter:

• Keep the letter short, usually less than 250 words
• Support your point of view with key facts (consider statistics from the National Network to End Domestic Violence)
• Make a personal connection and describe why you care about the issue.
• Remember to include a call for community action. What do you want people to do?

And when you watch a popular show or film that irresponsibly handles the topic of intimate partner violence, look to the program’s social media pages to offer feedback about the misrepresentation of the issue. Your voice matters.

Let us know if your letter is published, and tweet us a link to programs you comment on. We’d like to feature your thoughts here on our blog.

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

By Dan Schlachter
Student Blogger

Note: Today’s post was written by a freshman at the University of Kentucky with help from GreenHouse17 staff as part of a service learning project.

Oftentimes we don’t consciously think about many of our everyday habits. We get so caught up in the endless distractions and stresses of life that we rarely examine our own behaviors.

An examination of our behaviors allows us to look deeper into daily actions that can have big effects on other people’s lives, and not just intimate partners. Our behavior in family relationships, at the workplace, and in friendships should be free from emotional, verbal, and physical aggression.

Honestly ask yourself:

• Do I ever make threats to get my way at work or at home?
• Am I more interested in being right than finding comprises?
• Do I really listen to other points of view during conflicts at work, home, and play?
• Have I ever verbally or emotionally manipulated someone to get even or gain power?

Becoming violence free takes discipline because conflicts happen in almost every relationship. When we feel angry, we must practice healthy conflict resolution. We should always be demonstrating our care for others instead of demanding to receive something from them. Many times people forget this first priority.

The only way to break a habit is to constantly work at it, and working at it requires self-awareness. By practicing healthier relationship habits and modeling them for others, you are helping to end intimate partner abuse.

So go out and do your part in making our world a better place.

This post is part of our 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

Today’s way to help is a more difficult one. Data collected by the Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics finds an average of three women are murdered by an intimate partner every day in the United States. These murders represent more than a third of all female homicides.

Last year the ZeroV compiled a list of 25 Kentucky women who were murdered by an intimate partner between October 1, 2011 and September 30, 2012. We must remember their lives. Consider how many times they tried to leave, and imagine the barriers to safety and healing they might have faced. Think about the friends, family and children who are still mourning.

Speak their names, and commit to help end intimate partner abuse in families and our community in their memory.

• Sandy Allen, 24, Oldham County
• Tasha Campbell, 26, Kenton County
• Karyn Michelle Carr, 38, Jefferson County
• Katie Coomer, 28, Woodford County
• Amy Dennison, 36, Muhlenberg County
• Sherry Dillon, 52, Pike County
• Mary Gilmore-Hislope, 44, Pulaski County
• Sade Goldsmith, 28, Jefferson County
• Lori Hall-Boswell, 35, Powell County
• Erika L Hutchason, 43, Webster County
• Leigh-Ann Kinder-Parsons, 35, Boone County
• Leslie “Cricket” Lanham, 43, Greenup County*
• Barbara Martin, 64, Powell County
• Kathleen McGee, 30, Christian County
• Tamlyn Nguyen, 36, Daviess County*
• Jessica T Rawls, 27, Christian County
• Autumn Rollings, 24, Christian County
• Robyn Slone, 37, Boyd County
• Valeria K Stevens, 43, Rowan County
• Modena Sutton, 50, Anderson County
• Danielle Thomas, 27, Boyle County
• Angela Thurman Ervin, 34, Monroe County*
• April Turner, 35, Gallatin County
• Theresa Utley, 51, Gallatin County
• Barbara Walker, 51, Larue County

*The deaths of these women occurred before September 30, 2011 but the cases were pending when the list was published. Since then someone has been charged in each case.

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

By Zach Logue
Student Blogger

Note: This post was written by a freshman student at the University of Kentucky with help from GreenHouse17 staff as part of a service learning project.

Donation drives are a great way for individuals and groups to get involved in the community and help survivors of intimate partner abuse. Donations are especially important around the winter holidays. Everyone deserves to receive a gift they want or need,  and you can help make this happen for survivors.

GreenHouse17 will be the 0nly source of holiday help for about 100 adults and their children who are receiving their services or living at the emergency shelter. At any given time, about half of residents living at the agency’s shelter are children. You and your church, work, or community group can collect and donate all kinds of things to make the holidays special. Some gift ideas include robes, pajamas, slippers, board games, non-violent toys, purses, blankets, perfume, and many more.

You don’t even have to wrap the gifts because the organization’s staff  sets up “stores” in the safety of the shelter for parents to “shop” for gifts for their children and kids to “shop” for gifts for their parents. Are you someone who’s never sure what to buy for someone? You could consider purchasing gift cards to grocery or department stores in the region to help survivors during the holidays.

A complete list of gift ideas for survivors of all ages is available at this link.

Although GreenHouse17 isn’t able to accept donations of used goods at the shelter, you can donate your gently used items at area Goodwill or Habitat for Humanity on behalf of survivors. Just tell them the donation is for GreenHouse17. They will process the used items and provide vouchers for families in the shelter to shop for goods they need.

Your time and generosity will put a smile on a child’s face and help survivors to feel supported this holiday season!

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

By Jamison
Student Blogger

Note: This post is written by a freshman at the University of Kentucky with help from GreenHouse17 staff as part of a service learning project.

Relationships can be very difficult for young people, especially if they take a turn for the worse. When a healthy dating relationship ends, you’ll probably feel sad and confused, but after awhile you’ll be ready to move on, like in this song.

Ending an unhealthy relationship is more difficult. Loveisrespect.org, a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and Break the Cycle, reports as many as one in three teens is physically, emotionally, or sexually abused a dating partner.

Emotional violence can be difficult to spot, but it can be just as destructive as physical abuse.

• Do your opinions matter to your dating partner?
• Is your partner mistrustful and passive-aggressive?
• Does s/he check your phone without permission?
• Do you fear how your boyfriend or girlfriend will react if you talk to certain people?

Emotional abuse often starts slow and picks up momentum as the relationship continues, and it sometimes leads to physical abuse. You might see signs of aggression before physical abuse begins. Look for clenched fists and shouting during tense conversations. A friend might wear sunglasses or  long-sleeved clothing to hide the signs of physical abuse. Once someone heads down that path of physical violence, there is no easy return. No matter how sweet and loving or apologetic s/he is after the violence, chances are it will happen again.

Find a safe way to end your relationship is emotional or physical abuse is happening. Ask for help from adults you trust because an unhealthy relationship can become even more dangerous during a break up. If your friend is being abusive, tell them you suspect it’s happening and that it’s not OK to behave that way. If you’re worried about a friend who is being emotionally or physically abused, let them know you care and want to help them end the relationship safely.

Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is one that works. Both you and your partner are happy, and you can talk to each other about anything. You have no need to mistrust your partner and don’t feel confused by what each statement means.

Have you ever wondered if your dating relationship is healthy? Take this short quiz at loveisrespect.org to find out.

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

Staying up-to-date on issues and opportunities related to our mission is one way to help end intimate partner abuse. We hope you already like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, and re-pin us on Pinterest.

Our staff shares some really interesting information on our social media pages to advocate for survivors, honor the healing journey, and connect with supporters. You can check out the central Kentucky organizations and businesses that we like on Facebook at this link. We also maintain lists of Lexington and Kentucky nonprofit organizations on Twitter.

And we’ve pulled together this list of national and international organizations on social media for you to connect with online. Let’s see what we can learn from these thought-leaders to make our communities safer and healthier—and share some of the innovative solutions happening in our region.

Mary Byron Project
Facebook/Twitter
The Mary Byron Project is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to fostering innovations and solutions to end domestic violence.

NOMORE.org
Facebook/Twitter
NO MORE is a powerful new symbol that’s bringing together all people who want to end domestic violence and sexual assault.

Say NO – UNiTE to End Violence against Women
Facebook/Twitter
Say NO – UNiTE to End Violence against Women records what individuals, organizations and governments worldwide are doing to end violence against women. Managed by @UN_Women.

National Network to End Intimate Partner Violence
Facebook/Twitter
A leading national voice for domestic violence survivors and their allies.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
Facebook/Twitter
The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides information, resources & support to anyone affected by domestic violence. Free, confidential, 24/7/365.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Facebook/Twitter
Organizing for collective power by advancing transformative work, thinking and leadership of communities and individuals working to end violence

Mentors in Violence Prevention – MVP
Facebook/Twitter
Motivates men and women to play a central role in solving problems that historically have been considered “women’s issues.”

Break the Cycle
Facebook/Twitter
BREAK THE CYCLE is the leading national voice in the education and prevention of dating violence among young people.

Love is Respect
Facebook/Twitter
A project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline & Break the Cycle, loveisrespect promotes healthy dating relationships among teens & young adults.

Futures without Violence @WithoutViolence
Facebook/Twitter
Working to prevent and end violence against women, children, and families throughout the world.

What organizations and businesses committed to ending intimate partner violence did we miss on our lists? Leave a comment to let us know.

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

Choosing to read, watch, and listen to stories about intimate partner violence is one way you can help end intimate partner abuse. Stories help us to process our experiences, sympathize with the experiences of others, and bond in shared experiences. Although some popular stories perpetuate myths and out-dated assumptions, so many offer insight to understanding.  Today we’ve compiled a list of stories for you to consider and contemplate.

Trigger alert: If you are a survivor, some of these stories could trigger memories. If you need to talk to someone, remember our hotline is available 24-hours a day: 800-544-2022.

Read

From Amazon.com “For eighteen years Fran Benedetto kept her secret, hid her bruises. She stayed with Bobby because she wanted her son to have a father, and because, in spite of everything, she loved him. Then one night, when she saw the look on her ten-year-old son’s face, Fran finally made a choice—and ran for both their lives.”

A Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini (Sold by Penguin Books, Kindle Edition)

From Amazon.com: “Born a generation apart and with very different ideas about love and family, Mariam and Laila are two women brought jarringly together by war, by loss and by fate. As they endure the ever escalating dangers around them-in their home as well as in the streets of Kabul-they come to form a bond…”

Listen

Sarah McLachlan
Good Enough (Mirrorball)

Dolly Parton
Eagle When She Flies (Eagle When She Flies)

Suzanne Vega
Luka (Solitude Standing)

Ani DiFranco
Fixing Her Hair (Imperfectly)

Babyface featuring Stevie Wonder
How Come, How Long (The Day)

Watch

Waitress (PG-13)
Fox Searchlight (2007) – canistream.it

Sleeping with the Enemy (R)
20th Century Fox Films (1991) – canistream.it

This Boy’s Life (R)
Warner Bros (1993) – canistream.it

Pay It Forward (PG-13)
Warner Bros (2001) – canistream.it

What’s Love Got to Do With It (R)
Touchstone Pictures (1993) – canistream.it

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.

By Danny Schlachter
Student Blogger

Note: This post is written by a freshman student at the University of Kentucky as part of a service learning project.

One in three Kentucky women will experience intimate partner abuse in her lifetime. Think about that—one in every three! Based on that, odds are, you know someone who has been abused by an intimate partner. Survivors need all the support they can get as they are healing from abuse.

Volunteering can provide survivors of intimate partner abuse with an emotional boost, and it also might help you feel a little better, too. A  report published by Harvard Health Publications found that an adult who volunteers for at least an hour a month is happier than an adult who doesn’t volunteer.

GreenHouse17 offers many ways to give back. Donation of your time and talent to provide hands-on help is always appreciated. This list offers some ideas for individual volunteers:

• Data entry
• Donation delivery and pickup
• Representing GreenHouse17 at fairs and community events
• Building maintenance/winterization
• Workshops related to workplace skills and business enterprise

And there’s always a long list of projects that are perfect for families and groups of friends, co-workers, or community organizations:

• Fence painting and repairs
• Seasonal help on the farm
• Collecting and delivering holiday gifts
• Sorting and organizing nonperishable groceries
• Minor repairs on the property
• Landscaping/yard work​

If you or your group is interested in volunteering at GreenHouse17,  complete the volunteer application available at this link and submit to Ms. Diane Fleet, Assistant Director. Her contact information is included on the form.

This post is part of this year’s 17 Days/17 Ways Campaign to end intimate partner abuse.