“When you’re a survivor, you’re surviving.”

I had my own place, and a new job, and that’s where I met him.

There was a lot of gaslighting. He would call me names and belittle me. He always made me feel like I was dumb, and I knew I wasn’t.

It was a lot of getting back together, trying to make things work. I knew I had to get out of the relationship but found out I was pregnant.

One night I came home after working one of my two jobs and he was drunk. We started fighting. He was really angry. He grabbed my arms and tackled me to the ground and left a bruise.

That was the first and only physical abuse. I left and filed for a protective order. He avoided being served for months. I had to quit my jobs and move to a shelter in Frankfort.

I wasn’t required to attend the court hearing in Lexington but was so desperate. I told the judge I had to revoke my emergency protective order because I didn’t have anywhere to go. I had to go back to my abuser.

The judge said no—and asked if there was a representative from GreenHouse17 in the court.

Living at GreenHouse17 was the best of times and the worst of times. I treated it like a sociological project and tried to intellectualize my trauma. The things that were most helpful were the support groups. I went to every group that I could attend.

Coming here gave me resources to deal with what happened during my childhood. I grew up in a very chaotic situation and GreenHouse17 gave me tools to deal with this trauma.

When you’re a survivor, you’re surviving. You’re going to make compromises with yourself and your pride to deal with abusers. You will have to make sacrifices.

People think you’re going to be this exemplary human, the heroine of your story, but you’re a flawed person like anybody else.

Everything that happens in our lives feeds into our journey. The most important thing is getting back on your feet. Go to therapy, talk with a therapist, and find healthy coping strategies.

I lived in the transitional housing program after shelter. Having a place of my own that I could afford kept me from going back.

Today, I work at two elementary schools, volunteer at church, co-lead a Latino Literacy program, and am working to become a Spanish Interpreter for Fayette County Schools.

I’m planning to get my master’s degree and will be getting married this year. We’ve been together for five years. He’s very compassionate, peaceful and calm.

This is only part of Paula’s story, in her own words, shared with permission.