Bell recently celebrated her 12th wedding anniversary with husband Dax Shepard by posting a photo on Instagram of the couple embracing. The photo caption reads:
“Happy 12th wedding anniversary to the man who once said to me: ‘I would never kill you. A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point. Even though I’m heavily incentivized to kill you, I never would.’”
Comments on the post have been mixed.
Some have called out the post as offensive, especially during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Others contend the post is an inside joke shared between two people who are in love.
Dateline, the true-crime news magazine show, commented with one word: “Screenshotted.”
“Heavily Incentivized”
Also a celebrity and actor, Shepard is more recently known as the co-host of Armchair Expert, a popular podcast that is self-described as celebrating the “messiness of being human.”
He often weaves his academic background in anthropology throughout discussions on the podcast. With that slant in mind, Shepard’s remark is not wrong. Most societies have incentivized violence against women for centuries.
Under English common law, for example, “coverture” meant a woman’s identity merged with her husband’s upon marriage. Husbands were legally allowed to “chastise,” a term that allowed physical violence to maintain the obedience of wives.
In recent centuries, laws began to change, but culture didn’t catch up as quickly.
Courts often excused men who killed their wives as victims of passion rather than perpetrators of murder. Media equated possessiveness with love, and advertisers built entire campaigns on the idea that a woman’s role was to please or risk punishment.
An acceptance of dominance has continued to shape expectations of love and marriage in recent generations. Domestic violence was not even defined as a distinct crime in most of the United States until the 1970s.
Concerns
Bell’s decision to share Shepard’s statement in the context of a marriage milestone reveals a spectrum of concern.
An intimate partner’s proclamation that they won’t kill you, even though they could, must be considered a red flag in our mission.
Many commenters contend the photo caption echoes the couple’s dark humor. A resurfaced for “Hit & Run,” a 2012 film that co-starred both actors, reveals a history of joking about domestic violence and homicide.
But domestic violence is not a joke, and the threat of lethal violence is not a funny Instagram caption.
The Risk is Real, Scary & Difficult to Escape
Intimate partner violence results in nearly 1,300 deaths and more than two million injuries in our nation annually.
Three women are killed by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States every day. More than 20 domestic violence homicides occur in Kentucky every year.
The risk for lethal harm increases when a victim attempts to escape because the abuser losing power, control, and dominance.
How would you respond if a friend or family member told you their intimate partner said this? Would you dismiss the statement as humor or consider the statement as cause for concern?
