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This post is part of our COVID-19 Response series to provide regular updates on services for survivors during the coronavirus public health crisis.

What this pandemic has allowed all of us to do is to really evaluate our relationships. Our relationship with our self, our work, and those around us. As an agency that prides itself on prioritizing relationships in order to establish safety, we continue to do so every day moving forward. For our staff this means allowing them the space to dream and envision what is necessary as we move forward. 

Typically, our days are filled with being out in the community. These days not as much, however survivors are still being supported regardless. This moment has allowed us as an agency to not only care for survivors, but also our advocates who support survivors every day. 

When transitioning staff to remote work, the unique opportunity surfaced to really reflect on both what services survivors need as well as what those who support them need in order to continue to be able to show up every day. 

What this has led us to is really grappling with the question of what does success look like for us. As we move forward, we’ve created internal special project teams looking into how to create services to better support survivors and staff.  

Projects we are currently working on is Virtual Support Groups, Alternative Models of Advocacy, Inclusion and Diversity, and a variety of others.  

“For us to be able to do the work that we do we must create a community and culture of feedback which requires trust so people can grow.” – Diane Fleet, Associate Director

Just as we are a greenhouse to protect survivors, we also see those who serve here as flowers in our garden. Maintaining relationships is the way we tend to our garden and build trust. This is how we ensure that we can continue to grow and be able to support survivors.

This post is part of our COVID-19 Response series to provide regular updates on services for survivors during the coronavirus public health crisis.

Some would say that we are in the business of contingency planning. Like most folks though, the severity of COVID-19 also caught us by surprise. When first responding to this crisis we did what we do with our clients every day, we safety planned.  

In the case of COVID-19, this means ensuring that our 35+ shelter residents, survivors in the community, and staff are as supported as they can be given the circumstances. 

Trusted friends and family are critical to safety plans for survivors, and our organization fulfilled this role as we created plans to assure staff health and safety during the coronavirus response.  

Rethinking our staffing to 5 days on and 10 days off is to ensure that if anyone in our community presents with COVID-19 symptoms we are able respond accordingly, ensuring the safety of everyone. This is achieved by also mandating that only essential staff be present at shelter. Our Administrative, Development/Communication, and Crisis Hotline Team have been transitioned to work remotely. We’ve also implemented temperature check-points for those entering and exiting shelter.  

Residents who were already residing at shelter who wanted to continue to come and go and not shelter in-place, arrangements were made with our wonderful community hotel partners to make sure that survivors still had shelter as well as access to resources such as dining and advocacy from our advocates who are available at their hotel.  

With the increase in cases of intimate partner violence (IPV) since COVID-19, we’ve been sure act accordingly by increasing our efforts to support those for whom home is not a safe place. This has been accessible based on our relationship with local hotel partners. For those who meet the criterion for our program and wish to transition to shelter they’re provided temporary shelter at a hotel until being cleared for COVID-19 to guarantee safety for existing residents.  

Things are guaranteed to always change, that we know for sure. Our job is to maintain the relationships necessary to establish safety for those we serve. Relationships with survivors, the community, and our staff. This is how we grow together towards ending intimate partner abuse. 

#TeamKentucky is here to #SupportSurvivors  

“The heart is like a garden. It can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. What seeds will you plant there?” – Jack Kornfield
 

This post is part of our COVID-19 Response series to provide regular updates on services for survivors during the coronavirus public health crisis.

Home isn’t always a safe place to isolate.

Domestic violence offenses result in approximately 40 deaths in Kentucky annually. For many survivors, home can be the most dangerous of places. Not having the option to leave heightens the risk of violence.    

Intimate partner abuse is rooted in power and control. During stay-at-home orders, this control may be exerted by using “social distancing” as means to further isolate survivors from supportive friends and family. Abuse of power could also include forcing a survivor to leave the home and risk exposure. This recent article from Cosmopolitan magazine shares more stories of survivors caught in a cycle of abuse during coronavirus isolation. One survivor was forced to wash her hands over and over until they were raw and bleeding.

We must come together and be the neighbors that survivors need. Reach out, check in, and make space for the conversation. Never make a presumption of what home may have violence or may not have violence because intimate partner abuse doesn’t discriminate. It might be difficult to begin the dialogue at first, but being direct always works. Try questions like these: “Are you well?”, “Are you safe?”, and “Are things safe for you right now in the home?”

Step-by-Step: How to #SupportSurvivors  

1. Reach out to those you may suspect are at risk of violence.
2. Text and social media often are monitored by abusers, so sometimes a phone conversation is safer.
3. Ask if they’re safe right now.
4. Listen more than you talk. Believe the stories they tell you, and avoid saying what you would do.
5. Instead, say you are really worried about their safety and ask if they have a safety plan.

Many safety plans suggest creating code words that a friend or family member can text or say to ask for help. For example, “pineapple” could mean to call the police or “apple” to come over.  A survivor may decide to stay, even though they are being abused. Honor this decision. Sometimes, it’s because leaving wold be more dangerous right now.  Your role is to help them make their own decisions, not rescue them.

Our friends at the Lexington Domestic & Sexual Violence Prevention Coalition wrote this wonderful resource with more tips to reach out safely and effectively during times of social isolation. Most importantly, we must ensure that survivors know they’re not alone. People and organizations are here to support them, and we’re not going anywhere. If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to call our 24-hour hotline: 800-544-2022.  

Listen. Believe. Empower.  

This post is part of our COVID-19 Response series to provide regular updates on services for survivors during the coronavirus public health crisis.

You might’ve read recent news that the National Domestic Violence Hotline is tracking fewer calls over the past few weeks.

This data does not mean less violence is happening during the coronavirus pandemic. Victims simply cannot safely call for help when co-isolated with their abuser. More than 40 adults and children were safely sheltered with us today, and we continue to receive calls to our crisis hotline every day. We are bracing for an increased volume of calls for support as tensions rise during and after the pandemic.

Abuse is rooted in power and control. Separation from supportive friends and family is one of the most common ways abusers maintain this control. Examples of other abuse during social separation include the following:

• Withholding necessary items, such as hand sanitizer or disinfectants.
• Sharing misinformation about the pandemic to control or frighten survivors, or to prevent them from seeking appropriate medical attention if they have symptoms.
• Withholding insurance cards, threaten to cancel insurance, or prevent survivors from seeking medical attention if they need it.

If you are safe, remember to reach out to friends and family.

Sometimes it can be difficult to start a conversation with someone who might not be safe at home, but it’s important to check in with friend and family despite the discomfort. Give some thought about the safest way to have the conversation. Remember that abusers often monitor social media and text messages. Sometimes a phone call is the safest and allows you to hear the tone in the voice.

No one deserves to live in fear of violence.

We are here for you. You are not alone. For support please call our 24-hour hotline at 800-544-2022. Advocates are standing by to provide resources, discuss options, create a safety plan, and just listen.

This post is part of our COVID-19 Response series to provide regular updates on services for survivors during this public health crisis.

“We understand that this is a difficult time for all folks in our community. We first and foremost want you to know that we are here for you, our doors are open, and we are not going anywhere.”

We would like to start this week’s update with a sincere and huge thank you to our state and local leadership and community partners. The information we are receiving from leadership informs us how to make the best decisions when it comes to survivors and how we continue to serve them.

“It is during times like these that we realize that the world is really small and that people do truly care for one another.” 

Our shelter is still open. We are adapting in order to best serve survivors, while also keeping both our staff and residents as safe as possible. We are currently scheduling advocates 5 days on and 10 days off to ensure that if either a staff or resident becomes unwell, we will be able to continue services to the best of our abilities.

We are currently taking care of 42 women and children at this time, and half of those, around 20, are children. The majority of children are school age, so we are wrapping much support around them, as well including loads of outdoor play and education groups to ensure that homework is continuing to be completed.

“Our 24-hour crisis line is still being answered 24 hours a day by advocates.”

If you have any questions, if you feel alone or uncertain, please reach out. Our number is 800-544-2022.

The most significant recent change to services is related to courts. As of last week, we were going to courts and attending protective order hearings. Even though general attendance was restricted, we were considered essential to those hearings. What we are hearing from some our judges is that more social distancing measures are being put into place as a part of COVID-19 safety protocols.

We are learning more about these changes. If you have questions in the meantime–if you have filed a protective order, if you’ve been given a hearing date, if you need to know if you’ll be allowed to have an advocate with you in the court room–please call our crisis hotline for up-to-date information.

“Please know that our hearts and thoughts are with all of those who’ve been affected by COVID-19.”

We are blessed and appreciating health, but we are knowledgeable that it is around us and understand it is our duty to care for one another. Special thanks and gratitude to those who are on the front lines day in and day out. We wish you all good health and well-being.

This post is part of our COVID-19 Response series to provide regular updates on services for survivors during this public health crisis.

There’s lots of people who still care, and are here to support all of us in this time. Our shelter is here for those whose home isn’t safe.

I want you to know our shelter and 24-hour crisis line is still operating, being answered by human beings. Please always call 1-800-544-2022 anytime you have questions.

We’re still going to courts with the support of our judges and Supreme Court Justice, we’re still able to make sure advocates are present and that survivors shouldn’t go to protective order hearings without an advocate. We will try to do everything possible so that you don’t have to go alone through that process should you or someone you loved has filed a protective order.

In heed of warnings from state and local leaders, we’re limiting some programming until it’s safe to gather again.

Temporarily, until further assessment, our Children’s Safe Exchange and Visitation centers, we needed to temporarily suspend those services to protect all of the families that come in and out of the centers. Our courts are aware of it, and hopefully that goes smoothly for you, but if not, you know how to reach us.

We’ve also had to suspend non-residential support groups, but we’re happy to talk to you by phone, walk you through safety planning, things that are changing for you and your family or situation given the stressful circumstances we’re all in at this moment.

Thank you to everyone who has called and reached out to us about ways to help. 

We aren’t allowed to accept donations of gently used goods at our shelter right now, and we can’t have volunteers for either, but we can and still do need your support. We have created our needs list on amazon.com, and you can have items sent directly to us. This helps you stay home safe with your family, while we’re trying to stay home at shelter, safe with our families. You can open the wish lists from this link,

I will be checking in frequently trying to keep our community updated about what we’re doing or if there are any changes to our services.

Central Kentucky is incredible. It is strong. The leadership, the community coming together, other agencies all supporting each other, in making sure we are taking care of central Kentucky’s most vulnerable. We are doing it, and we’re doing it with your help. We wish you safety for you and your family. We will check in soon.

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Life can get messy, just like a garden.  

When we find ourselves unable to manage or needing to let things go that no longer serve us, nature is the ideal place to be. Gardens seem to always feel like home, whether you’re from the country, the city, or somewhere in between. 

“Well first I’d like to start with how “at-home” I feel in the garden. See, I had to move and leave mine behind. In life or in any relationship, each day you have to work at it, or tend to it. You must get the weeds (problems) out each day. If not, the bad will overtake the good and eventually kill it out. But you work at it, watering it, making sure your dirt is always good and loose around your plants, hilling up the dirt around each plant, getting the weeds out and so on. In hopes of producing a great harvest.”

When working on the land we are also able to remember how small we are in the family of things. Of the many beautiful offerings provided by making the choice to heal in the company of flowers, the most valuable is observing the parallels between the human and flower experience.

Both are born to bloom, but sometimes the bloom is compromised by not being in the right environment. This is one of the early connections survivors make while tending to the flowers. The observation is empowering. Just like transplanting in the garden, they too can change their environment.  

“Several years ago, I learned that a vegetable garden is a sacred place. The plants, vines, and produce do not judge me for talking to them, praying to my God, crying, singing, or laughing out loud.”

From a more scientific perspective, the garden offers an environment that stabilizes the emotional center of the brain. Many research studies have supported this with empirical evidence.  This makes it easier for survivors to reprocess past trauma in the calm of nature. This sense of calm is vital to the transformation that takes place here in our nature sanctuary of healing and hope.  

“As I was weeding this week I thought about “cutting ties with toxic people in my life.” Or “weeding” thru the good and bad to have a good produce or harvest. It seems to me if you allow one toxic person or “weed” in your life very long at all, it takes root and starts to brow and branch out. And roots can grow very, very deep.

I allowed my husband to be that toxic person in my life for over 4 years. I let his everyday poison take root in my life and brow. It grew to the point of overtaking the good. It got so bad; all I could see was the poison. I no longer saw the good fruits in my life. I decided, like those weeds I pulled out by the roots, I also needed to cut him off and dig up the roots and cut ties completely. Now with the weeds gone, the good can start to grow again and produce good harvest.”

Feeling the feels? We’d love to continue sharing the magic from the farm with you. Early member registration for our Summer Flower CSA is open now. Every membership is an investment in the lives of courageous survivors, each on their own journey of safety, healing, and stability.

Follow this link to find out more about our summer flowers and sign up to become a member.