Between Survivors
This note was written by a survivor living at our shelter to encourage other survivors who are seeking support and services to flee intimate partner abuse. Identifying information has been changed for confidentiality.
Speak my name
Today we ask you to listen for one minute as we speak these names. Each name is a life taken by domestic homicide related to intimate partner abuse in Kentucky from September 2019 – August 2020.
Although Domestic Violence Awareness Month is coming to a close, we will nurture lives harmed until the violence ends.
Savannah Spurlock, 22, Madison County
Beth Dykes Bonzo, 45, Pulaski County
Angella Hale, 48, Marshall County
Ella Diebolt Jackson, 48, Madison County
Donna Eldridge, 30, Pulaski County
Amanda Berry, 33, Jefferson County
Murrel Pruitt, 64, Monroe County
Elaine Castillo, 33, Fayette County
Sheena Baxter, 32, Scott County
Patricia Murphy, 67, Daviess County
Jacklyn West, 58, Daviess County
Melissa Back, 36, Kenton County
Keilee Sparks, 29, Greenup County
Jodi L. Stapleton, 35, Pike County
Nina Hunt, 42, Marion County
Kodie Patrick, 24, Boyd County
Rebekah Wortman, 60, Jefferson County
Jobeth Butcher Bailey, 36, Lawrence County
Karleigh Miller, 19, Jefferson County
Jeannie Vanzant, 39, Knott County
Peggy Vanwinkle, 52, Jackson County
Karen Rae Greenup, 57, Fayette County
Angel D. Marcum, 26, Fayette County
Nichole Merrell, 30, Hopkins County
Tessa Slone, 49, Knott County
Susan Taylor, 42, Jackson County
Speak My Name is a project of the Kentucky Coalition Against Domestic Violence. This is not an exhaustive list. Only victims about whom the coalition is aware through media outlets and domestic violence programs.
The Heart Space
Step back and settle in with this Body Orientation and Scan Meditation practice from the Heart Space. To turn inward we must first cultivate a deeper sense of where we are. Slow down so you’re better able to show up.
Tune in weekly during the month of October for a new recording on the Heart Space, a digital sound archive of trauma-sensitive resources dedicated to serving those who are healing from abuse. Listen on Spotify, Pocket Casts, Google Podcast, and more.
Yoga with Holden
We’ll be sharing a guided yoga experience every Friday during October.
Holden, a certified yoga instructor on our staff, invites you to take a posture of dignity and open your heart during this 30-minute yoga practice. #YogaFridays
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Safety Planning
This is a list of general safety considerations if you or someone you know is being harmed.
Every situation is different. Trust your instincts. If something on this list seems like it could cause danger for you, don’t do it. Remember you can call our 24-hour crisis line at 800.544.2022 anytime, any day. Our advocates are available to support you. Together, we can tailor a safety plan to meet your specific needs.
- If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
- Use caution if you share a computer or mobile phone with the abuser. It’s impossible to completely clear your browser history. If someone wants, they can monitor the website your visit and the calls you make. If this is a concern, please consider using a computer or phone of a trusted friend.
- Tell a trusted friend or family member. Abuse thrives in silence and isolation. Telling someone about your situation may be difficult, but taking positive action to end the abuse is easier with support.
- If you have children, discuss an age-appropriate safety plan for when you are not with them.
- Choose a code word to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors so they will know when to call 911 for you.
- If you have a protective order, keep a copy of the document with you at all times. Make a copy for a trusted friend or family member to keep for you.
- If you don’t have a protective order, consider filing for one. We can help you with this process. Even though a protective order is not a guarantee of safety, serious consequences for the abuser can result in greater safety for you.
- Decide and plan where you will go if you need to flee quickly. Practice how to get out of your home safely. If you are in fear for your physical safety, go to the home of a friend, relative, neighbor, or to a shelter for victims of intimate partner abuse.
- Open a savings account in your own name. Ask a trusted friend or family member if you can use their address for mailings.
- Prepare a bag with copies of important documents, extra medicine, clothing, and some money. Leave this bag with someone you trust.
- Decide if you will inform your employer and colleagues at work about your abuser. If possible, provide them with a photograph of this person.
- Consider having someone escort you to your car or wait with you at the bus stop.
Trivia Night
Join us for a fun night of trivia on Monday, October 26 at 7 pm.
All questions will be related to domestic violence in popular culture — books, films, music, and sports. But don’t worry, nothing will be graphic or require content warnings. We simply want to raise awareness about the issues. And it’s FREE to play! We only need your name and email address.
Look for a zoom meeting link in your email on the morning of the event, so you can join when game play begins later that night. We will be using Crowdspurr for actual game play, so it might be easiest for folks to join the zoom meeting from a desktop or laptop computer and have a smartphone or tablet available for playing.
And we have prizes! Prizes include a Hope Box, GreenHouse17 T-Shirt, and a Support Survivors Face Mask.
The Heart Space
Get comfortable and reflect during this 5-minute loving kindness meditation from the Heart Space. May you be happy, may you be well, may you be safe, may you be peaceful and at ease.
Tune in weekly during the month of October for a new recording on the Heart Space, a digital sound archive of trauma-sensitive resources dedicated to serving those who are healing from abuse. Listen on Spotify, Pocket Casts, Google Podcast, and more.
Yoga with Stephanie
We’ll be sharing a guided yoga experience every Friday during October.
Stephanie, a certified yoga instructor on our staff, invites you to take some time for yourself. Find your center, even if it’s outside of your comfort zone, during this week’s guided yoga. #YogaFridays
Supporting Friends and Family
Sometimes it can be difficult to support a friend or family member who is being abused.
Remember the abuse they are suffering is rooted in isolation, power, and control. Your role is to help them make their own decisions, not rescue them.
Believe the stories they tell you. Listen more than you talk. Avoid saying what you would do. Instead, say you are really worried about their safety and ask if they have a safety plan. And respect your friend or family member’s decision, even if they decide to stay. Sometimes, it’s because leaving will be too dangerous right now.
Become familiar with things to consider when making a safety plan. Suggest that they call our 24-hour hotline to speak with an advocate. You can call us, too. We are here to answer questions and help you support your friend and family.
Listen. Believe. Empower. Be informed.
Sobriety after abuse
Getting and staying sober takes courage, especially if you’re a survivor of intimate partner abuse.
Some survivors began drinking more to numb the physical and emotional pain of abuse, while others were forced to drink and drug by their abuser.
You may feel ashamed about the abuse and for using substances. Remember you have survived the trauma of abuse the only way you could. Now, though, the substances are putting your safety at risk and making it harder for your body and mind to heal.
With a plan and supportive network, you can live a safe sober life. Let us support you along the way with referrals to treatments, specialized support groups for survivors in recovery, and extra help to re-imagine your sober, violence-free life.
Healthy coping. Peer support. Strength. Determination.
If you need more support, call us to talk about options and about days and times of support groups in your area. Our advocates are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year to answer questions, make safety plans, advocate for legal rights, and offer support during your healing journey.
