Stories

“He would give me a lot of attention, something I wasn’t used to.”

We met in 2009, but we didn’t really start dating until the beginning of the following year. It was a bunch of love bombing at first. Then his drinking started coming out and verbal, mental, and emotional abuse started showing up.

I would try to make friends but couldn’t go anywhere alone. Any appointments, he had to be with me. I wasn’t allowed to go around my family, which I was having trouble with anyway.

They’re also abusive in their own ways. I didn’t really recognize all the stuff that he was doing because it was normalized in childhood. It felt like home.

There were a few times I tried to leave. He would buy me all kinds of jewelry and flowers—doing the whole “I‘ve changed”—until I told him I didn’t want to have sex with him.

He started accusing me of poisoning him. Turned out he was doing that to me. I would get really sleepy and wake up with him raping me. When I finally said no more to the sexual abuse, it was way worse than before.

He had linked my phone to his, so he could see all my messages. He was trying very hard to buy a gun. I feel like he was planning on killing me. He threatened to kill one of our cats right in front of the kids.

My sister found out about this place. I got a DVO (protective order) for three years, no contact. He hasn’t shown up for any court appearances.

I feel all the love for the first time ever in my whole life. I’m soaking it in.

I’m starting a work-from-home job and we’re moving into transitional housing soon. I’m 32 and like, yes, this is what I deserve.

You don’t deserve to be abused. Even if it’s not physical, if you feel like it’s wrong, even if you’re told it’s not—leave. You don’t have to stay.

This is only part of Michelle’s story, in her own words, shared with her permission.

“It’s not over, but I also know I’m not afraid anymore.”

I was established in Chicago. I had my own childcare facility, condo, and car. I was in college at the time and wasn’t into the whole dating scene.

He was super persistent and very handsome. He just wore me down. It was a typical relationship in the beginning. But there were little red flags.

He was very jealous. I just brushed it off because in the African American community, having a jealous boyfriend is a win. Then he started popping up at my house at 3 in the morning—popping up at my job.

I told him it’s over but found out I was pregnant. He came to my house and said, “You’re stuck with me until the child is 18.”

When I had my daughter, I moved an hour away. It was my first attempt to get away from him. Everything settled, but I began to feel like somebody was watching me.

Then I saw him one day. It was like seeing a ghost. He was living in a building across from mine. He could see my bedroom light and when I came or left.

He started showing up at my apartment. I called the police so many times. I would yell and scream. No one would help, even though my nose is busted and my eyes are black.

By the grace of God, I finally got an EPO and moved to Lexington. On lunch at work, I met this girl who told me about this place. A conversation with a stranger can change your whole life.

I got a call one day at my hotel. It was him. GreenHouse17 moved me to a different hotel and said we have a room at shelter.

They helped me heal physically and mentally. You don’t have to have all the answers. There’s still trauma and pain there. I know that I have a team of people. If I need anything, they will support me and my children. It’s not over, but I also know I’m not afraid anymore.

This is the first time I can tell my story and not cry. I want to show my son that’s not how women are treated. I want my daughter to grow up and recognize red flags. I will not let my children be victims. My strength, my faith, is about breaking the cycle – not just for my family, but for any woman and any woman of color.

This is only part of Takiyrah’s story, in her own words, shared with her permission.

“Trauma is not always visible, and it’s easy to get lost.”  

They learn how to gain control over you, get inside your head, and make you feel less than what you really are. I don’t want nobody to ever be in that position, definitely not one of my girls.  

When things started to cave in on me, I went to a local homeless shelter, and from there my caseworker connected me with GreenHouse17. I was very humbled to realize how bad of a situation I was in with him. It helped me to realize he was a toxic person.  

I was able to transition into an apartment on the backside of the facility, and from that moment things started getting better for me.   

A door was opening, which made it possible for me to go back to school and get my Medical Administrative Assistant and EHR certificate. I’m very proud that I graduated in October.  

Though at first, there were a lot of issues because I didn’t have a car. I tried Uber for a bit, but it wasn’t working out. I was able to get a car on payments, and I just paid it off.  

The more power I get back, the more I am able to do for myself.   

Every part of the program was helpful. It is what me and my girls needed. It brings me joy to spend time with my kids. We love watching movies and going to church together. We’re now in pageants together, so we have been doing a lot of those lately.   

I really want to make a difference for anybody that’s been through domestic violence like me. 

I want people who’ve been through my struggle to know that it gets better. You deserve your happiness.  

This is only part of Rose’s story, in her own words, shared with her permission.  

“For the first time, I finally feel it’s over. This is the first time in 21 years that, inside of me, I know it’s done.”   

I’ve always thought, “Well, he’s gonna get better, he’s going to change, but he’s not going to change. I know this now.  

Since arriving at GreenHouse17 and being safe, it’s my apartment that has brought me the greatest joy. It’s mine. Everything in it belongs to me. On my first night, I sat on my air mattress and looked around and saw that finally this is mine.  

Now, I can have friends. That’s something I’ve not really had in the past. I would have a few girlfriends, but it would always turn into them hating him, and then trying to help me to leave him, and me not being ready to go.  

They asked me all the time, “Well, why don’t you just leave?” Even now, I don’t know. That’s a hard question to ask someone in that sort of relationship. They financially cripple you. Your self-worth is non-existent. There just isn’t any.  

The farm program here was a wonderful thing for me. Many mornings, we would sit there picking beans and just talking and getting it out. The farm is like meditation in a physical form. I loved it.  

When cutting the flowers, I once broke one, and I was devastated. Christina [farm co-manager] said, “Just throw it down, and give it back to the earth.” She convinced me to give it back to nature, and this was one of the best lessons I’ve ever learned in the garden.  

I see myself as self-sufficient, on my own, and strong when looking into the future. I don’t want anything grand like a mansion or Porsche. I just want to be and enjoy the flowers.  

This is only part of Daisy’s story, in her own words, and shared with her permission.