21 Years

Takiyrah’s Story

“It’s not over, but I also know I’m not afraid anymore.”

I was established in Chicago. I had my own childcare facility, condo, and car. I was in college at the time and wasn’t into the whole dating scene.

He was super persistent and very handsome. He just wore me down. It was a typical relationship in the beginning. But there were little red flags.

He was very jealous. I just brushed it off because in the African American community, having a jealous boyfriend is a win. Then he started popping up at my house at 3 in the morning—popping up at my job.

I told him it’s over but found out I was pregnant. He came to my house and said, “You’re stuck with me until the child is 18.”

When I had my daughter, I moved an hour away. It was my first attempt to get away from him. Everything settled, but I began to feel like somebody was watching me.

Then I saw him one day. It was like seeing a ghost. He was living in a building across from mine. He could see my bedroom light and when I came or left.

He started showing up at my apartment. I called the police so many times. I would yell and scream. No one would help, even though my nose is busted and my eyes are black.

By the grace of God, I finally got an EPO and moved to Lexington. On lunch at work, I met this girl who told me about this place. A conversation with a stranger can change your whole life.

I got a call one day at my hotel. It was him. GreenHouse17 moved me to a different hotel and said we have a room at shelter.

They helped me heal physically and mentally. You don’t have to have all the answers. There’s still trauma and pain there. I know that I have a team of people. If I need anything, they will support me and my children. It’s not over, but I also know I’m not afraid anymore.

This is the first time I can tell my story and not cry. I want to show my son that’s not how women are treated. I want my daughter to grow up and recognize red flags. I will not let my children be victims. My strength, my faith, is about breaking the cycle – not just for my family, but for any woman and any woman of color.

This is only part of Takiyrah’s story, in her own words, shared with her permission.

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Alltech Partnership

“I am grateful Alltech was willing to listen, hear, and create solutions for our organization.”

An exciting partnership with Alltech recently launched to expand nature-based opportunities for survivors of intimate partner abuse. Jake Taylor was hired by Alltech for assignment at our shelter and farm during the next two years. He will be working alongside our staff, with the support of Alltech leadership, to develop a plan for the next phase of the farm.

Recognizing the capriciousness of grants and other funding, we want to assist this vital organization in their efforts to build a more sustainable revenue source through their handmade goods,” said Mrs. Deirdre Lyons, co-founder and director of corporate image, design and construction at Alltech.

Vegetable harvests from the farm offset food costs at the shelter, while revenue from flowers and handmade goods cover production costs, but full operation still relies on grant funding.

Jake is charged with helping to map a plan for long-term sustainability, eventually providing living-wage social enterprise employment for survivors—in a safe, trauma-informed workplace.

Business is my education, but what I’m passionate about is serving others and helping folks in the community. This is the perfect opportunity to marry my experiences and my passion to a position,” shares Jake.

I am grateful Alltech was willing to listen, hear, and create solutions for our organization,” says Darlene Thomas, executive director.

Mrs. Lyons adds, “It is our hope that this unique partnership will ultimately help lead to the life-changing support of more survivors and their families.”

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Our 17th Anniversary 💜

It’s our 17th anniversary! Federal designation officially naming our organization a nonprofit entity arrived on February 14, 2005. 

Services had begun a year from the old YWCA property, while earlier while matters of governance and partnerships were addressed. Darlene, our executive director, reflects on the night when the decision was made to move to our current location.

“I stood at the back door of an empty building on 40-acres of rural farmland in central Kentucky.  The grass and trees seemed to glow in the golden light of the setting sun. Feelings of safety and possibility warmed my soul as the sun lowered in the sky. 

Although a move was imminent, I was struggling with the decision to relocate our organization so far from downtown Lexington, Kentucky. How will survivors stay connected with community service organizations in the city? Can we engage supporters of the mission from this country location?

I imagined a small group of survivors sitting on the back porch and sharing their stories as day peacefully transitioned to night. This sunset was giving me answers to questions I had been asking for weeks. Before the light dipped below the horizon, the decision was made. This building would become our new home.” 

Although much has changed in the years since the move to our current beautiful 40-acre property in rural Fayette County, hope and possibility continue to inform our mission. 

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Looking back on 17 Years

It’s our anniversary! Federal designation officially naming our organization a nonprofit entity arrived on February 14, 2005. Today we’re looking back on the past 17 years and recommitting to our mission until the violence ends.

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Anniversary Reflections on the Farm

It’s our 17th anniversary! Federal designation officially naming our organization a nonprofit entity arrived on February 14, 2005. We interviewed Darlene Thomas, our executive director, for her reflections on the farm’s history through years.

“While settling into the new shelter 17 years ago, we began to consider how to integrate the land with services for survivors. Maybe equine therapy or a herd of sheep? Although these options weren’t a good fit, early dialogues confirmed the land must complement existing traditional services for survivors.

Local and national conversations were beginning to explore topics related to food deserts, local food production, and social entrepreneurship. We convened community experts to discuss how our land could be used to address these issues.The commitment of staff and resources to achieve this integration would be substantial, so we started small with only a few box gardens of seasonal herbs and vegetables for meal prep in shelter.

We honed our gardening skills and observed interest in the effort over the next two seasons. Consultations with arborists and farmers informed our land use plan, and local garden clubs provided native cuttings and seeds for planting. A generous grant from Grow Appalachia allowed us to hire a Farm Advocate to manage the farm and programming. This early financial commitment allowed us to leverage additional support from United Way, Kentucky Utilities, and Toyota Motor Manufacturing, Kentucky.”

Listening & Responding

We thought vegetable production would be our primary focus, but the community inspired a new unexpected direction for the farm.

“A few years ago, survivors and staff had planted a small garden of flowers. Kentucky Proud admired the flowers during a visit to the farm and asked if we might put together some small table bouquets for their kick-off breakfast at the State Fair.

Soon after that event, calls and emails requesting bouquets of our flowers for centerpieces overwhelmed us. The expansion of our flower production became a priority. Around this same time, individuals and private foundations stepped in to fund the renovation of an outbuilding on the back of our farm program for much-needed space to fulfill flower orders and facilitate workshops for survivors.

John Paul and Eloise DeJoria, with friends from JP’s Peace, Love & Happiness Foundation, visited the farm to learn more about our program. That visit inspired a generous donation to begin renovation of the outbuilding. Don and Mira Ball provided additional generous support to complete the project.

Special attention was given to the renovation to meet certified commercial kitchen requirements. Today, this building is the hub for production of value-added products from the farm, including lip balms, soaps, other Handmade By Survivors products.”

Promising Results

A federal grant awarded to the University of Kentucky Center for Research on Violence Against Women to conduct multi-year research on the farm’s effectiveness recently concluded. Publication of the research outcomes is expected soon.

“Stories and statistics tell us the farm-based programs we have developed are effective. Those few early box gardens have grown to almost 7,000 square feet of cultivated land, and approximately 60% of shelter residents directly participate in at least one nature-based program during their stay with us. But I believe all survivors living at our shelter benefit from indirect engagement with the farm. Even just sitting on the porch watching the sunset or listening to the rain can make a difference.”

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KFW’s Art Meets Activism Grant Recipient 

The Art Meets Activism grant from the Kentucky Foundation for Women will allow us to provide trauma-informed artmaking with survivors of intimate partner abuse. 

This Art Meets Activism grant will provide an advocate on staff with training and certification in therapeutic artmaking. We’ll be able to offer art-based support groups for residents at shelter, as well as community-based workshops for survivors receiving supportive services outside of shelter, with an informed focus on healing. Open studio sessions will also be available for self-guided art.  

The goal of these activities is to help survivors heal emotionally. Similar to the nature-based healing approach of our farm, trauma-informed art-making may increase survivors’ confidence, leading to improved feelings of self-worth and well-being. Through group sessions, there is the opportunity to become more connected to community, ultimately reducing the frequent feelings of isolation some survivors experience.    

We are honored to receive this grant and be among so many inspirational women and organizations. Here is a full list of fellow grant winners 

About KFW 

The Kentucky Foundation for Women is a private foundation formed in 1985 by Louisville writer Sallie Bingham.  Its mission is to promote positive social change by supporting varied feminist expression in the arts. 

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Celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. Day

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.”

As we honor and celebrate the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr, these words written by him decades ago continue to inspire and make a meaningful connection to our mission. 

“I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality, and freedom for their spirits.”

His words call us to personal and social action that acknowledges racism and prejudice persist in our lives, community, and nation.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

We are reminded that freedom of spirit is tied to every part of our being and that long-term sustainable change is possible.

“We shall overcome because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

As this new year continues to unfold, may we continue to serve and commit to justice with the same peace and compassion of today. Let us remember that to serve is to commit to change — and to change we must heal.

Continue to educate yourself.

Our book recommendation is Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi

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I’ll Stand by You

“When in court I can’t act as your attorney, but I’m here for you.”

Survivors of intimate partner abuse often need to navigate the legal system for longer-term orders of protection and matters related to safety, custody, and property. This is where legal advocates come in. While the advocate’s role is to restore agency and explain processes, most importantly they stand beside survivors during one of the scariest days of the healing journey.

For many survivors, the court hearing will be the first time they see the abuser since escaping.

Morgan remembers her day in court like it was yesterday. “I instinctively look left, right, and there he is, and he’s got this look on his face that just sent a chill up my spine.”

Stephanie Love, a legal advocate serving survivors in Clark and Powell counties, says, “When in court I can’t act as your attorney, but I’m here for you. I can make sure you have what you need. I can nudge you to remember something. I can act as an extra barrier between you and the abuser.”

Advocates make sure survivors have a plan for their physical and emotional safety after court. They also provide connections to our support groups and local resources for food, clothing, and other needs.

“We get the survivor in touch with their community, so they aren’t just relying on us,” says Stephanie.“You want to have other relationships in your life. If you’ve just got the one relationship, how healthy are you as an individual? It’s the same with survivors.”

Legal advocacy and support services are made possible with federal grant funding from the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA), non-taxpayer funding generated by fines paid by federal criminals. Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) funding also provides survivors with no-cost attorney services and representation for especially difficult cases. The Kentucky Justice and Public Safety Cabinet administers both funding sources.

YOU DESERVE TO BE SUPPORTED.

800.544.2022

Our 24-hour crisis hotline is answered every day of the year. You will speak to a compassionate Certified Domestic Violence Advocate who wants to support your specific needs.

Together, we can develop a safety plan that meets the specific needs of you and your children. Find emergency shelter with us or a partner shelter. Make plans for one of our legal advocates to accompany you to upcoming court appointments. Share information about nearby support groups.

You might not be ready to leave or want to know more to support a friend. That’s ok. We are here to listen, too. Please call us if you or someone you know is being harmed.

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Will Smith discusses trauma from intimate partner abuse

Will Smith was interviewed recently about his new memoir, Will.

It caught our attention because he talks about childhood trauma. When he was around 9, he watched his father physically abuse his mother. It left a lasting impact on him. He struggled with considering his father a hero and a good person while hurting someone else he loved.  

“I was probably 9, and I watched my father beat up my mother. And I was too scared to do anything. And just on my young mind, it became imprinted. 

It’s like, what kind of kid stands there and lets somebody hit their mother and they don’t do anything, you know? And that became really the core trauma of my childhood that my personality and my persona became to form around, to be the opposite of that, you know? I was never going to be scared again. 

What was really difficult for me is my father’s my hero. My father’s the greatest person I’ve ever known, and that dichotomy breaks a young mind, you know? It’s like, how do you love somebody who did that? 

That really just became the central core of the wound that I was overcoming throughout my childhood, and then ultimately throughout my life.” 

This leads to one of the myths we discussed recently – intimate partner abuse only affects adults in the household. That’s not true.  

The majority of children in an abusive household will witness the abuse. Studies have shown children who experience intimate partner abuse with their parents exhibit depression, anxiety, learning difficulties, and more.   

They hear the violence and feel scared, too. Every child responds differently but some things are common. Infants may experience failure to thrive or have developmental delays. School children often suffer from depression, anxiety, and digestive illnesses. Teens might show struggles at school and feel responsible for their siblings and abused parent. 

Sometimes survivors stay because they don’t want their children to be homeless or the abuser has threatened to harm the children if they leave. Other times, parents are afraid children could be taken from their care if they expose the abuse. 

**Image from the New York Times

We are committed to safety, healing, and stability for you and your children.

Call us to begin the conversation. We are here for you 24 hours a day. 800.544.2022

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