“There is no normal anymore. You’ve got to find the new normal.”
Early last year Lydia Cassady, a devoted mother of two teenagers and a certified clinical medical assistant, was preparing to flee the abuse of her longtime partner and father of her children. He shot and killed her in their home before she could escape.
“She was my younger sister, 12 years younger, so I kind of raised her,” shares Carolyn Hundley. “She was so creative. If you needed something fixed, an outfit made, a wreath for your door, she could do it. Lydia’s middle name was Blanche, so everyone called her Aunt B. She had tons of stuff with bumblebees on it.”
After Lydia’s death, Carolyn received a call from an advocate at our shelter offering support. Darlene, our executive director, attended Lydia’s funeral service, an act of kindness that touched the family.
With every tragic loss, loved ones are left to grieve while trying to understand the violence.
I think with anyone close to these situations, there’s guilt,” shares Carolyn. “My grief group tells me all the time, ‘you can go there, but you can’t stay there.’”
“We find the strength to continue without her by working to help others.”
The Kentucky Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates domestic homicides related to intimate partner abuse increased 86% last year. Please reach out to our 24-hour hotline if you or someone you know is being abused: 800.544.2022.
International Women’s Day (IWD), marked annually on March 8, celebrates the achievements of women and calls for women’s equality. This year’s IWD theme is #EmbraceEquity in the workplace, healthcare, sports, and arts.
Jenny Garrett OBE, an award-winning career coach, trainer, and author, compiled 37 ways to embrace equality for the IWD blog. We’ve chosen a few of our favorites from Jenny’s article and added a couple of our own here:
Flip it.
Have you heard a woman being referred to as a ‘working mom’? How often do you hear men referred to as a ‘working dad?’ If you can’t flip it, don’t say it.
‘One and done’ is not enough.
Recruiting one woman is not enough to make change happen.
Use an intersectional lens.
Consider the diversity of women in your community and workspace. What are the experiences of women who don’t identify as white, straight, or without disability?
Read Invisible Women.
Written by Caroline Criado Perez, this book uses eye-opening data to understand bias in a world designed by men.
Support art made by women.
Read books, listen to music, and buy art created by women.
Listen.
Ask women about their experiences and obstacles and act on their recommendations.
Start at home.
Who does the housework, the lion’s share of the caring and household admin?
Support women-owned businesses.
Shopping at small businesses owned by women supports them and their families—and improves local economies.
Stop stagnating women’s careers.
When they are pregnant, parenting, or assuming the responsibility for the care of their parents.
Don’t leave the office housework to women.
Do women, even if in a leadership role, take on more admin tasks at your workplace?
Advocate for gender equity in healthcare.
Know about common gender biases of doctors and call for the inclusion of more women in clinical trials.
Tune in.
Keep in touch with world affairs, watch documentaries, listen to podcasts, and find ways to remove obstacles to gender equity.
Use inclusive language.
When referring to groups of people, an inclusive “y’all” is better than the gender-specific ‘you guys” or “ladies and gentlemen.”
Separate performance.
Appreciate that talent doesn’t just look and behave in one way. Separate performance from potential and personality from skill sets.
Watch and attend women’s sporting events.
Start with the University of Kentucky Women’s Basketball, Softball, or Soccer games.
Check your bias.
Take the Implicit Association Test to measure attitudes and beliefs that people may be unwilling or unable to report.
Believe survivors of intimate partner abuse.
Support missions like ours to advocate against power-based violence, call for change, and support survivors during the healing journey.
Walking into shelter for the first time can be a very scary experience.
Although every survivor’s journey after fleeing abuse is unique, our shelter services are designed around three phases of shelter life — Welcoming, Healing, and Launching. This is part three of a 3-part blog series that explores common activities during each phase.
Launching
When a survivor begins preparations to leave the shelter, they continue to work with their Healing Advocate and also choose another advocate to help during the Launching phase.
Although each survivor needs different types of housing support, most receive temporary rental and utility assistance.
Some survivors transition to apartments in their home county or near supportive family and friends, while others move to apartments in the ZeroV Homes Lexington. Twelve of these units are scattered near downtown Lexington, with easy access to public transportation, and twelve cottage-style duplexes are nestled on the backside of the emergency shelter’s property.
Breaking Down Fears
A large part of the Launching phase is to work on emotional support. For a lot of survivors, this is the first time they’ve lived on their own in a long time.
Advocates will work through fears and safety plan for survivors. If the survivor has children, our Youth Advocate will help safety plan with the kids.
What’s Next?
While a survivor is still at shelter, Launching Advocates will connect them with an Outreach Advocate in the community where they will be living. Staff members live and work in all 17 counties of our service area.
Outreach Advocates continue supporting survivors after they transition out of shelter.
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.
The theme is, “Be About It,” encouraging everyone to help create a world free from relationship abuse. It’s important to start talking to your children about intimate partner abuse early and often.
Scott, the program manager for our Children’s Safe Exchange and Visitation, shared how he discusses his work and topics surrounding intimate partner abuse with his son, who is about to turn 13.
I have been working with traumatized youth in various residential facilities since the winter of 1995. As a parent, I feel that I have an advantage in talking to my son about intense issues since most parents’ “intense” feels like my Tuesday. That’s certainly not entirely true, but that’s how it feels sometimes when I talk to parents who aren’t social work lifers.
My advantages are compounded by my spouse who is an Intervention Specialist working at VIP [Violence Intervention and Prevention Center] on UK’s campus. Most of her work is centered on sexual assault.
My son will be 13 this April. He has been subjected to post-work debriefings between my wife and me for the past 12 years. There is not a lot he hasn’t heard. The good news is talking to him about intimate partner abuse, consent, sexual assault, etc. already has some built-in context.
When we need to approach an issue with him, it usually develops organically. Most of the time he reports from YouTube, or we overhear something he is watching and try to be pretty frank with him.
Despite the built-in context, it can still be difficult as my son is on the Autism Spectrum and does not give the cues we normally need to tell us the message is received and registered. I am direct, frank, and approach as if I’m talking to a dear friend.
Sometimes we get cues that he is on board with what we are saying. The other day I trimmed my beard and my son says, “Hey dad, please don’t be mad…but you look like Andrew Tate.”
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.
TDVAM has me thinking about my past and my daughter’s future.
It wasn’t until I started working at GreenHouse17 that I really reflected on my first high school relationship. And even more so after having my daughter in September.
My first boyfriend would physically restrain me by holding my wrists and yell at me in the school hallways. He was extremely jealous. When I ended the relationship, he went on a hunger strike and convinced our friends it was a romantic gesture. Everyone pressured me to return to the relationship and I did.
When I take this quiz about my high school relationship – Is your relationship healthy? – from love is respect, I get this response –
“If you scored 5 or more points, you are definitely seeing warning signs and may be in an abusive relationship. Remember the most important thing is your safety — consider making a safety plan. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Contact us at loveisrespect.org”
I don’t want my daughter to be in an unhealthy relationship. I want her to be knowledgeable about red flags and feel comfortable discussing these things with trusted people in her life.
Start Early
I plan to start talking to my daughter early. Starting discussions about bodily autonomy is important to prevent sexual abuse and later intimate partner abuse. This article from Rady Children’s Hospital discusses seven steps to teach your children about bodily autonomy.
This parent guide from love is respect is a good resource to get conversations started with your teenager.
Conversations
I asked Scott, the program manager for our Children’s Safe Exchange and Visitation, how he discusses topics surrounding intimate partner abuse with his son, who is about to turn 13.
This year’s national theme for Black History Month is Black Resistance.
Each year, the Association for the Study of African American Life and History (ASALH) chooses the theme for Black History Month. The Black Resistance theme is a call to study how Black Americans have established safe spaces where Black life can be sustained, fortified, and respected.
Indeed, this is true for ending intimate partner abuse. Our mission took shape with suffrage during the Jim Crow era. Theories of second-wave feminism, developed alongside the Civil Rights movement, defined the mission.
Black women resisted systemic racism and oppression during these decades—and exclusion by white women in the work—to develop philosophies, policies, and practices that are the cornerstone of our mission.
Safe Spaces
In more recent years, Black women have developed research and discourse that have redefined best practices in the field. But people of color harmed by an intimate partner are less likely to report the crimes or seek support from social service organizations than white women.
This report prepared by the Women of Color Network (WOCN) explains why. Distrust of law enforcement, criminal justice processes, and social service providers is common—for good reason.
Law enforcement are more likely to arrest Black women for self-defense in the context of intimate partner abuse. If seeking legal protection from abuse, Black victims are more likely to be criminalized by the judicial system than white victims.
The WOCN report also outlines several reasons that discourage Black victims of intimate partner abuse from accessing social services, including the following:
Cultural and/or religious beliefs
Lack of service providers that look like the survivor or share everyday experiences
Lack of culturally appropriate services
Lack of trust based on the history of racism and classism
This month we renew our commitment to non-discrimination, honor contributions of Black women to our mission, and celebrate Black women-led organizations that are creating safe spaces for positive change.
Tarana Burke
Activist, community organizer,executive, and founder of the “me too” movement
Walking into shelter for the first time can be a very scary experience.
Although every survivor’s journey after fleeing abuse is unique, our shelter services are designed around three phases of shelter life — Welcoming, Healing, and Launching. This is part two of a 3-part blog series that explores common activities during each phase.
Healing
“When clients first come in, they work on immediate safety goals – getting all their documents and making sure they have everything they need to basically start a new life,” says advocate Alyssa.
“When they get to Healing, we work on long-term goals like employment, counseling, housing, legal advocacy, and setting up referrals to the community so they have support systems.”
Advocate Kristen adds, “And also the emotional aspect of processing what brought you here. After you’re safe and have time to rest, all these feelings and realizations start coming out about your past trauma and we’re here to talk about that and find outlets that work best to regain self-sufficiency.”
First Meeting
During the first meeting with their Healing Advocate, survivors discuss their long-term goals during the remainder of their stay at shelter such as finding a job, housing, and transportation.
Healing Advocates also talk through the survivor’s history and help them process their trauma.
“We’re listeners and keepers of their stories while we work towards safety for their families,” says Alyssa.
After the initial meeting, survivors and Healing Advocates meet at least twice a week to work towards their goals.
Every survivor’s healing journey is different, but common goals include reaching financial independence, going back to school, working out schedules for their children, and finding a therapist.
What’s Next?
When survivors are ready to begin their transition out of shelter, they move on to phase 3 – Launching.
Alice, Darling is a new film starring Anna Kendrick (Pitch Perfect, A Simple Favor, Trolls) that explores topics of psychological abuse.
The film tells the story of Alice, a young professional in a relationship with a seemingly charming older man. The truths of that relationship are revealed during a vacation with her best friends Sophie (Wunmi Mosaku) and Tess (Kaniehtiio Horn).
With the help of her friends, Alice begins to identify the abuse and eventually ends the relationship. The film premiered to positive reception during the 2022 Toronto Film Festival and was released in theatres this January.
Emotional & Psychological Abuse
Emotional and psychological abuse (also sometimes called mental abuse) can be difficult to identify, especially when the abuser is not physically violent or avoids blatant verbal abuse.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that 95% of contacts reveal they are experiencing emotional abuse: “Emotional abuse is also a foundation for other forms of abuse. Often, it is used to erode a person’s self-esteem and self-worth and create a psychological dependency on the abusive partner.”
“A survivor may find themselves deep into a relationship before realizing that their choices, everything from who they can talk to, see and where they can go, to whether or not they’re able to end the relationship—are no longer their own,” explains this article from Domesticshelters.org.
A Personal Connection
During a recent interview on “Armchair Expert,” a popular podcast co-hosted by Dax Shepard and Monica Padman, Kendrick discussed a past personal relationship that shared similarities with the film.
“We had embryos together, this was my person,” Kendrick says. “And then about six years in – somewhere around there – I remember telling my brother, when things had first kind of gone down, ‘I’m living with a stranger. Like, I don’t know what’s happening.’”
Kendrick describes examples of emotional abuse that escalated when she tried to address her concerns. She remembers feeling embarrassed about what was happening to her.
“There definitely was part of me that was like my mother raised me better than this. How am I the girl during the pandemic locked in my bathroom…facetiming with my two best friends and sobbing and whispering so he doesn’t hear?”
After repeatedly being told by her partner that she was at fault and provoking the violence, Kendrick struggled to identify herself as the victim. She was convinced the problem could be fixed by working on herself.
“I truly dismantled my life,” she says. “I started seeing two therapists a week, and I started trying to learn to meditate, and I got into al-anon.”
Kendrick ended the relationship before starting work on Alice, Darling. She credits a therapist for helping her to establish new boundaries. The actor never intended to speak about the relationship during interviews about the film but instinctively shared her story during a media event.
“It was like I couldn’t swallow the shame anymore.”
A new program has made it easier for survivors to file petitions forprotective orders in Fayette County.
The Enhanced Protective Order Plan (EPOP) is a pilot project informed by the 2020 VAWA Statewide Needs Assessment which examines how Kentucky courts meet the needs of victims and examines barriers preventing survivors and their families from accessing support services.
Through this program, five of our advocates were deputized to process Petitions for an Emergency Protective Order (EPO) and Interpersonal Protective Orders (IPO) for survivors who already reside at our shelter or receive our advocacy services in Fayette County.
Fleeing an abuser can be the most dangerous time. This new effort provides survivors with access to the court from a safe location and eliminates transportation barriers that often can delay the process. The support of Certified Domestic Violence Advocates during the process can help ease complications and improve documentation during such a traumatic time.
The Fayette Circuit Court Clerk’s office will continue to be available for all victims in Lexington-Fayette seeking assistance with domestic violence petitions. These services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Contact the Fayette Circuit Court Clerk at 859-246-2248 for office locations and more information.
Walking into shelter for the first time can be a very scary experience.
Our advocates are always here to greet new families, answer crisis calls, and safety plan with survivors ready to flee. Although every survivor’s journey after fleeing abuse is unique, our shelter services are designed around three phases of shelter life — Welcoming, Healing, and Launching. This will be a 3-part blog series that explores common activities during each phase.
Welcoming
“Welcoming is all about loving on you, showing you around, and giving you resources,” says advocate Tiffany.
When a survivor is coming to shelter, Welcoming Advocates get their room prepared and make a welcome bag with toiletries, hair products, washcloths, towels, and comforting items like fuzzy socks.
When the new resident arrives, a Welcoming Advocate will give them a tour and introduce them to staff members.
Intake
After they get settled in, it’s time for an official intake.An advocate will talk them through what community living is like at shelter.
A large part of a Welcoming Advocate’s job is making sure basic needs of survivors and their children are met so healing of physical and emotional wounds can begin. A lot of survivors must flee quickly, leaving everything including their social security card and driver’s license.
Sometimes a survivor needs help with the emergency protective order (EPO) process and will need to go to court. The Welcoming team can help with this and get them connected with one of our Legal Advocates.
What’s Next?
If a survivor can move out of shelter to their own space, Welcoming Advocates will work to connect them with community resources like storage and moving companies. Sometimes the sheriff’s office will be able to install ring cameras at their new place for safety.
If a survivor needs more time to get on their feet, they move on to phase 2 – Healing.
Copyright GreenHouse17 2026 | Privacy PolicyOur services are funded in part by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development; U.S. Department of Justice; Office of Violence Against Women; Grant Numbers VOCA-2024-GreenHou-00098, VAWA-2024-GreenHou-00032, and ARPA-2024-GreenHou-00034 through the Kentucky Justice and Public Safety Cabinet with funds from the U.S. Department of Justice; Kentucky Cabinet for Health and Family Services; ZeroV; Kentucky General Fund; Lexington-Fayette Urban County Government; and other grants, foundations, and private donations. None of these funders nor any of their components operate, control, are responsible for, or necessarily endorse this website (including, without limitation, its content, technical infrastructure, and policies, and any services or tools provided). The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of these funders.
